Vonna Lovett

Life as I knew it changed in 2002. After twenty-eight years of marriage, many uncertain signs began to appear from my husband. The remainder of that year was very bumpy but ended with much hope. We were working toward a more beautiful life together. Within approximately five months my girls and I faced the most devastating situation we could have ever imagined.

In April of 2003 we were introduced to the world of sexual addiction. Their father and my husband had been a sexual addict for the better part of 37 years. That was a fact that seemed out of the realm of possibility. This unbelievable development appeared over several months during which time we began grasping for some form of stability.

This revelation began a journey for our family that was very simply unwanted truth. Very early into this realization we began to deal with what truth really was. With that in front of us we began looking at truth in a much different light than we had previously. It would come to “set us free” but not before making us terribly miserable.

Recovery began in small steps but has carried our family forward into hope. Betrayal left trust behind us as we entered this life. God’s faithfulness with the hope that brings has placed us in a new life of thankfulness, deeper faith and the joy that these fruits offer.

Oklahoma is still my home where I have many friends and family. Adding to my many roles is being MiMi to two grandsons and a granddaughter. These handsome young men and lovely little lady in my life bring so much fun and love. Such a joy to me!

Even though my two daughters and I have gone through the trauma of sex addiction we are more closely knit with love that stems from mutual respect and acceptance. Concentration on being patient, open and thoughtful made our way together a very successful one. We can even say that we had fun together through the most difficult times.

Never having aspired to be an author, God’s prompting directed me to where I am at this time. Embarking on this ministry has truly been an act of faith. Finally realizing that God’s faithfulness will guide me through yet another life I had never imagined, I am thrilled. The ability to give back in response to His faithfulness excites my soul.

Amazing Hope Inspirations

February 2010
Amazing that at this time I would be writing words for a website is proof that hope is vital and possible. Now that someone will receive inspiration through this writing and from the walk of so many people, of which I am just one, is what would be my great desire.

The more of life I experience the more I realize that my dad was very wise. During my teen years I don’t guess I would have said that out loud!  During my years of growing up and then adulthood he gave me many thoughts that mean a great deal to me now.  One of those was that faith is not generally acquired, learned or grown by huge happenings in life. The everyday living of life is where faith is developed. Though some of us have walked through some of those “huge” scenarios, it is the way we live from day to day that we spend the bulk of our faith building in God.

Sex addiction within a family unit brings the testing of faith at so many levels. The faith that was in the addict can be shaken to our core. Self examination can give entrance to the doubt of our own self.  Faith and trust that people will be truthful, authentic and open are not too believable.  God’s faithfulness at these times is somewhat out of reach for us even though that is not how we would desire to react.

Conscious decisions must be made to strive to hold onto the proper places to find faith. If you find yourself in this feeling of doubt “lean into it.”  Spend some time looking into God’s Word for promises He has made of His faithfulness. A feeling of confidence may not be yours as you do this, but it is a way to provide yourself with positive actions to draw near to God.  This can serve as one of those ways that we can tie another knot and hang on.

One of my favorite passages is Hebrews 11.  I have always called it the “by faith” chapter. My dad entered his eternal rest in February of 1988.  Each year since then I have used a part of February to reread this chapter and contemplate faith.    

I hope you will join me in this chapter of faith, drawing from it strength to build faith in challenging situations.  It would be wonderful to hear your thoughts as you read this passage.  Share with us at info@SafeMinistryInc.com. 

In faith,
Vonna

March 2010
Spring is just about here and new life is seen in God’s creation. At times this season of the year does not hold the renewal for us personally. When we are in particularly hard times in life the change of seasons can hold a mixture of emotions.

Is everyone feeling a renewal with the beauty of spring and I’m not? That thought brings with it a loneliness that heightens our overall sadness. Those that are asking that question in spring of 2010 are definitely not alone. More people hold that in common than we can imagine.

Seasons of the physical world have a great deal in common with seasons of our lives. The “winters” of both segments seems as though they will go on forever. The coldness and many hours of darkness seem to play a great role in our outlook. With “spring” more sunlight and usually refreshing temperatures become part of our days. The heat of “summer” can also bring the unbearable feeling of not being able to breathe in the scorching sun. With “autumn”comes the introduction back into the cool weather and serves as a time to introduce us once again into “winter.”

Personally and as families we can experience long stretches of any given season. The good times we seem to adjust to fairly naturally.Times of sadness, stress and fear can make us feel that we will never get through to better times. At those times we need to feel like we have something to hang on to.

During those negative stretches we need something to focus upon that will offer hope. One that we can focus on is the creator of the seasons. The One that has set into motion our world and done it perfectly is a very stabilizing choice for our attention.

Many of us who have traveled these uncertain seasons in life share and remember well the thoughts of fear and uncertainty. Keeping the focus on the God who loves us so much can be extremely hard. People that are placed in your life that help you look specifically to that source of balance and focus are gifts. Accept them with thankfulness. Draw from them strength to help you depend more and more on God.

Blessings,
Vonna

April 2010

Within the past months the pictures such as these are all too familiar. We probably all just wonder what celebrity will have secrets revealed next. Each pair of eyes that look at these pictures will see uniquely. The feelings they invoke will depend on what each person individually has experienced.

• "They are celebrities and they should know they are watched"
• "Rehab is just an easy way to make the public forgive the situation they find themselves in"
• "When you have all that money and power it should just be expected!"

Since 2002 my heart breaks when I see the articles of such news. It is very hard for me to judge. Though not celebrities, my family found itself in similar circumstances and the feeling of betrayal and devastation is simply more than you feel you can bear. Money was not plentiful for my family but our loved family member found the finances to support his habit. As a good father, two adult daughters found the questions coming at warped speed as to which man was their true dad – the one in the hidden life or the one they had always known. Surely as the wife I had done something wrong.

The addict in our lives, I realize now, was most miserable.So, you see, the very situation these celebrities find themselves in are not foreign to the "common" people. Or I believe that it can possibly be said that the celebrities are also common people who will struggle with life just like my family did. As you view these situations and gaze at the pictures like these be ever so careful to remember this scenario plays itself out daily in multiples of hundreds and thousands.

For each of the people touched by these indiscretions I can assure you that it is not easy to bear nor to work through. The addict and those that love that individual will grieve, hurt and try to find the best way to deal with such a sad set of circumstances. Addiction is not always a popular word to use when the compulsivity deals with sex, so I invite you to use whatever term you feel is appropriate. When I do that it still comes back to the cruel reality of pain and loss.

God grant us the desire and the ability to view these all too frequent settings with the love and gracious spirit that God has for his creation.

Vonna

May 2010
“Will I ever be able to stay focused on what I need to be focused on?” With age and maturity my hope was that the effort to focus would be less.

Walking through my family’s situation with sex addiction several years ago, my desire for focus was strong. At a time when I wanted that clarity of focus I seemed to be less successful at that.

The mind racing and thoughts so strong and deep kept that ability to focus at an all time low. Within me I felt that if I kept moving, thinking and reacting I would get through this nightmare more quickly. At times I would find myself confusing worry with focus. Now I was good at the worry part!

Basically all of that thought process was not how to focus. Time is essential for focus. Time well spent in the “work” of focusing was what eventually granted that to me.

From that time on in my life I am more successful at accomplishing the art of focus. However, it must be revisited often. Through the lens of Psalms 46:10 you can focus. Be still and know that I am God. He is God and I see that clearly when I am still, thus aiding in focusing.

Though older (not old!) and more mature, I recite that scripture often.
In Stillness,
Vonna

December 2010
The year 2010 is fast approaching its end. For most of us it has been a mixed bag of happenings. It is at this time of year that I find a bit of difficulty. Ending and beginning – some sadness, fear, excitement and a plethora of other feelings accompany both. It seems to remind me that time marches on no matter what has transpired within that twelve month timeframe. What a mixture of thoughts come to mind.

The end of 2009 brought to our family a new baby girl, Sydney. We approach her first birthday with great excitement. Upon her birth on December 29, 2009 my excitement was over the top. Just like with my two grandsons’ births I felt such anticipation of getting to know them. What fun I have had this year with all the events I’ve gotten to share with my family. Birthdays, holidays, talks to answer the ever ending questions of “why,” figuring out what is trying to be communicated in the “child” talk, kissing, scratches, and scrapes, first day of Kindergarten, and rocking bring such great memories, laughs, and good times.

Many times throughout these events I have thought back of my ex-husband and father of my girls. As an addict I would not desire to be in his life but I feel those sad feelings of what “could have been.” Missing the new role as a grandparent just brings a regret for him but most especially for my girls. He will never get to know these times but my girls will not get to share those with their dad. What a loss and sadness.

How is there hope? Through these very thoughts and these fun times I always come back around to hope. Just the ability to feel the feeling of sadness and at the same time the emotion while holding and loving on my grandkids reminds me that hope is there!

Your holiday season may be the best ever. However, for some I am confident that it is about the worst ever. 2011 will be stepped into for those of us on this earth and no matter how hard, we will begin that year’s journey. Let’s commit to trying to find the best and healthiest way to do that. Just as for many years now, committing to recovery and living a life worthy of the One that gave all for me, 2011 will hold a hope that I want to participate in. I pray that you will join me in helping this coming year to be one of healing and hope – no matter the circumstances.

Living in hope,
Vonna